Daily

With the economy changing for some reason I thought I could never be entirely impacted because I am a great worker and have some time established in my current employer. Guess that matters little and I am trying to come to terms with that. I have been reassigned to work on a unit directly with adolescent boys during the PM/Weekend shifts as I am least "senior" in my position that has been reduced by one. As a worrier I am trying hard to stress but continually am handing this over to God. Somehow, believe it or not, I always end up taking it back though. Then again I am not sure if that is really possible as fallen human beings. Why would there be verses about daily crying out to the Lord and calling on His name if it were as simple as giving our troubles and worries to Him one time and then it all disappeared? I know for myself I have to daily and often hourly or more call on His name to calm me and take away all my burdens. As this new phase in my life approaches I will be doing this, daily asking for His help to get through it one day at a time.

Her Legacy Lives On

People who don't like dogs won't get this blog and frankly might think me ridiculous for even writing about an animal, but I guess I am an animal lover... especially dogs, and one girl in particular. That was my fair warning for all to either quit now or once done reading to not leave any "smart" comments.

A week ago tomorrow we finally had to put our ever faithful dog to sleep. She would have been just 10 years old in a couple months, but I guess disease does not take into consideration age or how much one is loved. The hardest part of the whole thing, the past several months or year even, is to see how one you love's health deteriorates so fast while they are mentally present. She wanted to go for walks and play with our new puppy, but unfortunately her body would not let her. I think in the end she was ready to leave and found peace from us because we too we ready for her to go and not have to suffer any more. You see the thing about Heidi was that she wanted to always be with her people and please them. People would always say she barked too much (especially when we were gone), but really that was because she wanted to be with us and not left alone. She was sweet, loving, caring and so much more. That is the thing with dogs... they sense when you are sad or lonely and will not leave your side. And when you are happy they too celebrate with you. Like I said you would not understand this unless you have dogs or are yourself a dog lover.

And now we have a new puppy named Leo. Heidi was able to meet him and I think she approved and wanted her people to be happy with him. She wanted to play with him, but as I said was just not strong enough. And now he has inherited not only her old toys and big bed, but it seems like there are parts of her in him. So in a way she is living on in Leo and we are able to be reminded of her and all the joy she brought. Thank you, Heidi, for being our girl for the brief time you were with us, but more importantly I thank God for allowing us to care for one of His own for these past 9 years and allowing her to be part of our family. And now I thank God for giving us little Leo to help heal our hearts from this loss. She is never forgotten... I love you Heidi.

Like Father Like Child

I was talking with a young man that I worked with in Nicaragua back in 2005, well at the time he was still just a kid (though aren't we all?), a couple weeks ago about some sad events that are going on in Nicaragua. What got us talking to begin with was the horrific news that one of the boys (just 19 years young) had taken his own life because of problems and depression. That news was a blow to the heart, but of course there was more than that. My friend also told me of young ladies getting pregnant, boys being kicked out of the home and many poor choices made by the kids. He then made the comment that it is so hard to see his brother make bad choices and it makes him sad. I thought that was ironic coming from a young man that made many poor choices some that resulted in him being temporarily kicked out the home... choices that lead to many teary nights for myself. I then told him that is how it has been for me to see all those awful things happen to the kids, each time it is like being pierced in the heart. And all of a sudden it hit me... isn't that exactly how our Father feels, what it is like for Jesus? How many times have I been the one to drive the nail in, something that causes such pain? It was then that I decided that when I feel those pains for the kids in Nicaragua that I should reflect on the Cross and how God feels when one of His own children denies him or turns away. If the death of a young man and the unwed teen mother hurt me so then how much more does it pain Christ? I thank God for making Himself present in our daily lives and glad that I am never alone.

Quarter of a Century

Michael celebrated his 25th birthday yesterday. It is crazy to think that while we have only been living in the same location for 2 years now and married almost as long, we have known each other for a little over 6 years now. When I mentioned this to Michael yesterday he had a hard time believing it was that long ago we met, but I reassured him I knew him as the skinny and good looking 18 year old who helped lead my group of students back in 2003 and he sad that I was the gordita 21 year old. It is funny how time has changed things and us. When we thought about it it seemed that he has made more changes merely because he went from one decade to the next while I was and still am in my 20s. Don't get me wrong I have undergone my own metamorphosis and am thankful for that. All I know is that we hope we have many, many, many more birthdays together and in the company of family.

Heidi and Me

Why is it that some movies really get to us? I think they have a lot to do with what we go through and when we can identify with what is happening in the moving, then it means that much more to us. Well I am sure you have all seen the movie Marley and Me, which is now one of my favorite movies. While it makes me cry every time, I love what it says about the dog human relationship. We are currently going through something similar with our 9 year old (turns 10 this November) dog, Heidi. In the past year she has been going down hill, but not until the beginning of this year was it really evident. Apparently she has lost a majority of her muscle mass and now falls going up the steps or something just walking normally. And more recently her front leg ballooned up and then later began oozing fluid. We took her to a vet where the leg infection was just the beginning of the problem. Her leg was getting better, but then she cut her other leg yesterday as she is falling down all the time now. The poor girl also has to wear a "lampshade" around her neck so she does not make the wounds worse... and that is just sad to watch. I guess like in the movie you want your dog, your buddy, to let you know when they are ready to go because you don't want them to suffer. I think my hope is that we don't have to make that decision for her, but somehow she will let us know. And who knows this could be our wonder dog and she might be around for another few years. Any way the wind blows I know that my girl Heidi has had a happy and fun life, always well loved and of course nothing but loyal and loving to her family.

God's Plan Part 2

So as it would turn out things really were not in our hands. Funny thing is we are now under contract for the house I wrote about in our last entry, the one we never arranged a showing for but just stumbled upon. Well after we temporarily walked about from the table on that house we were looking around trying to find other houses that we liked. We found two, well one on the same street just smaller and the other was close to my parent's house and a great price. We were getting ready to put an offer on the first of the two options and come to find out they needed to go ahead with their recent plans to rent it so took it off the market. Guess that was closed door number one (though I am sure that was not the first... just through my limited vision) and the thing is I said that if I lived there and found out the one down the street had reduced I would feel regret, so to speak. Then option number two was a great upgrade with a huge backyard and close to my parents. Well as things would go in order to apply for the house the loan type we would use would not allow us to go under contract for 90 days... which a house at that price and in that area would already be gone by then and no one wants to wait for their profit that long if they are flipping a house. So as you can tell we went back to our first option, saw it one more time and decided that it really was our house. And as God would have it they accepted our offer right away. We have already started the inspection and are moving on to the next stages of the game. Thank God for having all things in control.

God's Plan

We are in the midst of a house search and it is more complicated than I ever imagined and more frustrating at times. We found a house we really liked and put the offer but they apparently think the house is worth no less than what they are selling it for even when a similar model minus a small addition recently appraised for 30,000 less than it is on sale for. Needless to say we walked away and are still looking. There is a house on the same street we like it is just smaller, but cheaper. God will show the way. It is funny because I thought that was the house for us because we never arranged for a showing, just happened to be on the same street of a home we liked and they had an open house the same day. Then when we went back and there was another open house and so I thought this has to be for us. But I forget how all these decisions are ultimately not ordained or made by me... that is if I choose to listen to what God guides us towards. There was a lady in my church who reminded me of this when I told I was bad at making decision and she responded saying that is because I don't make them.

Cat Scratch Fever

No I am not talking neither the song nor the disease, but rather my luck with the feline species. Yesterday was the second time in less than a year that I have been severely scratched up by cats. The first time was when Michael and I were looking for a cat and were hitting up all the Petsmarts in the area. Michael was looking at the wild and crazy looking scaredy cat and I was looking at the nice calm short haired female cat. Well she apparently got a little scared when I went to put her back in the cage (go figure) and she latched onto my skin. Needless to say I was bleeding from my hand, arm and stomach with tears in my eyes after all was said and done. I thought to myself that day, that at least any cat of mine has never done that... that was of course until yesterday. We were staying at my parents house when I wanted to get going (I was in a funky mood) so I snatched up the cats and was going to put them in their carrying kennel. As I was walking down the stairs my dad turned on the electric sander on the other set of stairs. Well Teddy got the left side of me and Dali stuck around to get my right shoulder and arm and then climbed over my head. I guess I do not have the best of luck with cats, but hopefully that was the last time.

Sister Knows Best

I always looked up to my sister and would do whatever she said. With that said she told me I needed to post something new, so here is our first blog of the year. I am one year older, as of 12:30pm (more or less... only mothers remember the exact time a child is born) on January 12th. I guess 27 is not that bad, just another year older... though it does bring me another year closer to 30. My friends would tell me how 25, 26 or 27 were hard years for them making them think they were now closer to 30 than 20. However, I fell that what is the point of worrying about another year... instead just enjoy every year and to be in fact each day. I guess what is harder for me is knowing that I am only 27 once and not able to spend it with all the people I would like to... like my sister. And I know too well what she must fell with holidays coming and going while living in Nicaragua. Of course you would never trade the experience and opportunity to live amongst some very amazing people, but it is hard to be away from those you love. I went through it for my 23rd and 24th birthday, and now it has been once again on the 26th and 27th, just that I am not the one getting woken up at 5am by the kids and sung "Las Mananitas" at the top of their lungs, but rather the one on the other end reading the exciting reports. All I know is that time with loved ones is to be cherished whether it is a homemade meal with parents, a husband, and brother, sister-in-law and nephew or getting to talk to your sister via Skype on your special day.